"I am anointed to accomplish my assignment."
Steven Furtick
I'm a good mom. An awesome wife. An okay daughter. A great friend.
I'm also a disappointment and source of pain.
I can be kind and sensitive to my friend on the phone, but then turn around to snap at my 3-year-old who just wants "sum-fin to schwink, Mom-eeeee" (for the twelfth time in a row).
Our bedtime routine can be an open time of conversation, truth, love, and acceptance. It can also be a harsh, hurried cycle of shouting, frustration, and anger.
James 3:9-11 reads, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."
So which is it? Who am I? How can I live out my calling to love others?
Well I listened to this sermon this week, which tweaked my perspective of that calling, just a bit. And it forced me to ask "What exactly am I called to?" So Saturday during church (naughty kid) I sat down and scrawled out a few missions I believe I am called by God in my life to fulfill.
- Daughter of the King: I am to love others, speak the truth in love, deepen my relationship with Him, and become holy.
- Wife: This begs that I be faithful, supportive, and respectful to my husband.
- Mother: I'm a woman who has been entrusted with three precious and malleable people. They need to know Jesus & His peace, they need to love others, and in order to do so, they also must understand their own value.
- Sister
- Daughter
- Small group leader: God has allowed me to do this in my home for over 10 years. That is not a position I take lightly.
- Worship Leader: The gift of music has been given to me, and I use it almost weekly alongside others to lead God's people into His presence. And through it, He exposes and changes my own heart.
- Friendship: The Lord has been pretty deliberate about who comes into and goes out of my line of vision. I am called to be a friend but also to protect my own heart. What a fine line that can be!
Now, if all I had to do was be a mom, I'm pretty sure I'd be the best dang mom there's ever been. Every sandwich would be heart- or dinosaur-shaped and there would be chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven every day for when they got off the bus (and they'd somehow be super healthy). Their toenails would never get too long. Love, peace, and joy would abound at all times in our home.
If all I had to do was play music, boy, I'd beat out any concert pianist. My oboe would soothe snakes, and the music wafting from my guitar strings would be known world-wide as the beauty of the mid-west.
But the truth is that I'm not called to just one thing; if all I did was cater to my babies, for instance, I'd miss out on a whole lot of friendship, ministry, and marriage.
So there's this tension I have to live in. You do too. We are not just one thing. God doesn't want us to be just one thing. He formed us each as uniquely complex, intelligent, and relational individuals. It's borderless. It's undefined. It's messy.
And it's beautiful.
And you know what? We'll never get it all right. Not all the time. This is an imperfect world, and we are imperfect people living in it. I think our Father smiles when He sees we're succeeding at doing our best. And I think His smile broadens when we realize that we aren't-- and that we can't, without Him.
Maybe I'm beginning to learn what the apostle Paul meant when he said, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me" (2 Corinthians 12:9).
