Little Gestures

Aspen, my 5-year-old has her own camera. It's our old camera that malfunctions only when you're singing over the baby's first birthday cake, or the bride is being kissed for her first time as a wife, or when you're driving past an AWESOME item to post on "fail blog."

Anyway, she left yesterday with Rodney and Jeremiah and a whole slew of teenagers to hit up Sonshine Festival over in MN. Her entire year is spent looking forward to "camping." And this year, she would have. . . a camera. *insert angelic singing voices* We plugged in the charger so it could be all ready, but the group ended up leaving in a whirlwind. The camera was left behind. I called Rodney right away to deliver the news, but Aspen was too excited to get on the road and didn't want it.


The pictures she takes could never be labeled as "good." But they're from her perspective (looking up at people, lots of items on the ground, etc), and because of that, I like to occasionally peek at what she's shot. When I picked up the camera yesterday, I was surprised to find not new pictures, but a new video.

Once I saw what the video was of, I vaguely remembered actually having had helped her set the camera up to film it. And I should remember. Because it was a video of me.

I was talking on the phone, pacing around, picking up toys, passing my time efficiently.

The phone call was an important one. A friend of mine is going through a really rough spot in her life. I've spent a good deal of time seeking counsel from people on how to walk with her through it. And I was in the process of doing just that-- listening, sharing insight, just trying to be supportive. My other kids were napping, so it was only Aspen and me. I was aware that she was in the room, but she seemed content playing with her camera. I felt relief that I was able to just talk to my friend freely, without interruption.


Isn't interruption the bane of our existence? It brings out the selfish side of all of us. The other night, Rodney and I were engaged in tense conversation over dinner. Our 3-year-old kept trying to ask us a question, but we kept shutting him down. Eventually one of us snapped at him. We took the pause in conversation to just let him get out what we assumed would be a dumb fact about Spiderman or whatever else was swirling around in his little blond head. Instead, we heard, "Daddy, I need a fork." Oh boy.


That is a humorous (and humbling) example. But I really need to work on being less irritated by interruptions to my all-important conversations or whatever. Anyway, I'm off track.


Aspen had the camera on for nearly 6 minutes. And about 90% of that time, she had me in the lens. I was so focused on helping my friend that I completely ignored her. Not one time in the video did I look at Aspen. Not a smile, not one single acknowledgement of her existence.


It broke my heart to realize she was watching me put her in second place. Yes the call was important. Yes I needed to focus. But how many minutes were we out there together that I didn't even look at one of the most precious, impressionable people in my entire life?


At least 6.


It resonated like an analogy for life. "Important" things come and go. I only have my babies for a few fast-escaping years. As ashamed as I felt watching that video, in a way, I hope I never recoup. That I always recognize the need to connect. That I don't forget, as I so often do, that I'm being watched. And mimicked. 

Garden Friends

There's a respected pastor who came to speak at our church a while back. I don't remember what the sermon was actually about. BUT I do remember him talking about Jesus in His last moments before the grueling, torturous crucifixion process. He was with His closest friends. Not at the last supper, but in the Garden of Gethsemane.  The place where He laid down His will and sweat droplets of blood. He took his three closest friends. Of course, they all fell asleep on Him, but that's a different blog for a different day.

The pastor went on to say that it's healthy to have at least one "garden friend." A person we can go to our darkest place with. We can crack open our ribs, bear our heart, and have confidence that they will lift us closer to the arms of Christ. He said that if we don't have a garden friend to lay in the trenches with, we should pray for God to gift us with one.

Gratitude washed over me. I have not one, but three of these valued treasures.

Sara, I have known for the shortest amount of time, and she is my polar opposite. She's girly and chatty and classy and always well-manicured. Our relationship is primarily "text" based, which is wholly new to me. But she is always working on something HUGE to become more Christ-like. She challenges me to focus more on changing myself. We share similar struggles. She's a talker, and I'm a listener; it's a good thing we've got going.

Lisa B and I have been friends for about 9 years now-- most of that being long distance. She's not as far as Sara, who is about 11 hours away. So we're more able to meet half-way, get our kids together for things, and just reconnect. We are opposites in a separate direction than Sara and I are (Yes, I believe "opposites" can  include more than 2 directions). Lisa is an outdoorsy, garden-savvy, get-r-dun, solution-oriented, no-nonsense kind of gal. She is ALWAYS looking for (and hoping to give) solid, practical advise. She never calls "just to vent." Okay, there was one "sugar cookie" episode, but I'm willing to let that slide-- mainly because she recognized it for its pettiness.

Lisa G is my spiritual mother. I never fully understood what that could mean for a person. She's a step ahead of me in parenting-- with her kids moving out, getting married etc. She has been through the struggles I'm going through. When I'm drowning in housework and screaming kids and Rodney's latest thing that's going to drive me off a bridge, she extends her calm hand of clarity. That woman has got to spend more time on her knees with my issues than she does interceding for anyone else. It's in no way uncommon for her to offer scripture to help reset my compass. As I grow and learn about Christ, she finds opportunity to take a seat beside me and learn something for herself through my journey.

Growing up, all my friends were guys. They made me feel comfortable & accepted. When I got married, I started learning that I cannot have guys for friends. It was a bit of a crisis in my teenage head. Who likes girls? They're petty and dramatic and nit-picky and gossipy and superficial. But some women really are amazing. And I am SO blessed to have these particular 3 in my life right now. They all love God, and they all help keep me stabilized and healthy so I can see Him working in my own life.