Social Norms

The impact a simple flat iron can have on my self esteem amazes me. I can get dressed up as cute as I can be, but if my hair is waving and frizzing like Einstein, I feel like a child who cannot be taken with any hint of legitimacy. Why?! It's hair. And it's only named "hair" to be nice. If we were honest, we would more rightly title it something like "lengthening fused dead skin cells." Yet we put time, effort, and a great deal of money into maintaining it.

We (women at least) want hair on our heads, but not on our faces, legs or armpits. Arms are okay. A few other areas may be acceptable. Who made these decisions?

It would be awesome if I could write this cute little entry and add that I don't care about those things. No, I look at people and see their hearts. I look past the missing teeth or the hairy mole and only see passion and love. But that is not true.

I know of one person who can look at people like that. One. And I'm not even sure He actually sees exteriors. Okay, that's not true either. Girls, put away the mini skirts, and pull out some modesty. He does care about the outside :) But even that stems from love. He loves His sons enough to ask His daughters to cover up.

Anyway, I was talking to Him just this afternoon about how hard it is for me to get past appearances. I asked Him to show me people like He sees them. I cannot imagine what that would look like. Shallow Hal presents the only scenario that even skims how I could see that going. But I don't think God will let me off that easy.

So I am publicly vowing-- at least for a day-- to try seeing people for who they may be instead of who I assume them to be. Wish me luck.

Sweetly Broken

It's been a while since I've stumbled onto here. Blogging was never a daily commitment, but it feels good to do. There's something about being at a website demanding my writing that pulls thoughts from coves in my brain.

So here I am again. I have lots to write and nothing to write all at the same time. What a whirlwind of intrigue.

I've been feeling deep in thought for a few days. Maybe that's what brought me here today. I don't know. What I do know is that God is currently pulling me in a few different directions. And, as is predictable, it's uncomfortable. He seems to like us there sometimes. In a place where we're confused and can do nothing more than hold His big hand. Oddly enough, sometimes I still want to let go and grope in the darkness-- as if I could find a "better" way out of the hole He knows so well and is willing to guide me though. Why do we do this? Pride I guess.

Anyway, I know I'm where He wants me, and so I will choose to rest in this disconnect. He's given me a better life filled with better people than I ever could have deserved or earned. He is nothing but good.

I went to a Women of Faith conference once. The only thing I really remember (besides being able to use the mens restrooms in Chicago's United Center) is a lady's story about her son's health. I of course don't remember any real details, but there was substantial testing involved, and she was up all night waiting for a phone call about results. After much pacing and understandable anxiety, the call came, and the news was good.

She told about how she had used that story at a previous conference to show how God's grace is good. A lady came up to her afterwords and said she had undergone the exact thing with her own child. Only in her case, the news was not what she wanted. Her child's life had even come to an end. And through tears, she said, "God's grace is good even when the answer is 'no.'"

That quote will never unstamp itself from my memory. He really is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. There are so many things I will never "get" about Him. But if I was able to understand all He does, wouldn't that make Him no better than I? He is big, He is steady, and His grace is enduring.

Research = Encouragement?

Well it would seem that I can't write a book filled with only my opinions and insights. They say I need so-called "sources" to back up and legitimize my spewings. So I've been studying and researching the Bible a lot today (by the way, if any of you come up with a verse about how people always fail and God never fails, please send it my way).

I don't know about any of you, but I hate researching. I hate typing things into the Google search bar to get random, unrelated topics. I hate it when I finally find snatches of info that I need, only to read it over and over again in different articles on the web.

Even back when I was in school and was required to use "books" (God bless it all), I hated it. I hate searching. I want things fed to me on a platter. My husband can sit all day long looking at different news articles. I would prefer plopping comfortably down with a bowl of ice cream in front of the TV to just watch news. And I don't mean CNN for hours upon hours. I mean the 10 o'clock news. Half hour, and I'm on my way.

But today I was surfing all over Biblegateway.com for verses on God's unfailing love for us and how He delights in His children. He really does say some wonderful things about us. It makes me feel like a secure little girl knowing how He adores me. I don't understand it, but I trust that it's true. And I'm grateful.

Rough Beginnings

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3

It's probably coincidental that this passage has popped up every single day of this last week in one way or another. Coincidence, ha. As if.

I didn't know this would be the week I would start writing a book that centers a bulls eye over the tender scar tissue of my heart. Someone else did. And He's not the only One, I don't think. Given the dreams I had last night, it would seem Satan has taken no hesitation in beginning his efforts to thwart my endeavor to cast a tool to further the Kingdom. Simply put, he's smart, he's quick, and he's a real jerk.

I had a mild anticipation of some spiritual heaviness coming with the topic, but I was not braced for an attack. It was a foolish oversight on my part. But now I'm here with corrected thinking, feeling more ready than before to take on this challenge.

I Need You

This is my very first official blog. I feel a little hoity-toity and like I'm suddenly on a soap box for the world to hear. And while I realize that my posts will be followed by few if any, it is a position that leaves me feeling rather exposed.

I'm using my first blog as a serious cry to people everywhere. I am in the very beginning stages of writing a book. As the title of this blog indicates, the book is about infidelity. It's not your normal book about how we women can cope with the world of pornography or how prostitution and easy sex has cheapened marriage. It's not about the trials men face and how women can be supportive.

No. It's about women cheating. And not just sexually, though promiscuity on our part is on the rise. But we cheat in our hearts and minds long before there's ever any touch-- sometimes before there's even a conversation with a man. We are more emotionally needy than we typically realize. When those needs aren't met, for any variation of reasons, we (often inadvertently) seek out fulfillment. This can bleed out in a variety of ways.

The point is that we are not alone. I have talked to too many women who have had affairs who think they're the only ones-- especially Christian women. They think "A Godly wife would never do this. There must be something wrong with me. I could never talk to anyone about this." These are lies meant to keep us alone and ineffective. Ineffective as mothers, wives, friends, and essential parts of the body of Christ.

Thus the idea of the book. What I need to make this book effective is you.

I need your stories. I don't only want women to share what they have experienced, but it would be invaluable to hear the take on husbands whose wives have been through this. Also, if it's at all possible, I would like stories from grown children who were either affected by their mother's infidelity or even conceived in it.

I obviously would assume you would write me privately. For that purpose, I'm posting my e-mail address: Ltraine@gmail.com.

Some of you have already told me your story. Please take the time to write it out. I may not remember all the details, and it could blur with new stories I'll hopefully be getting in.

I am not asking for this as gossip. Please hear my heart in that I want to provide healing and comfort to women now and future who experience the trap of infidelity. Confidentiality is key in this. You can trust that I will not "spill" about your life. And I will certainly change all names when writing. I realize the trust this is requesting and the vulnerability I'm asking you to have.

I also realize that I'm asking you to relive what may be the most painful part of your life to date. It may give you a sense of relief to know that sharing your pain may stop someone else from experiencing what you have.

Please be a part in helping me create a tool to bring healing and stop destruction.