Simple Humility

I read this question tonight: Why is it so difficult to be humble?

The first thing that came to mind was the drilled-in, "Christian-ese" (pronounced similar to "Japanese" if you don't know-- we tend to make our own culture and language at times. I'm not sure it's a good thing, but I digress) answer of "Because we have a sin nature."

While this is true, I felt the need to dive a little deeper. And deep is where I found myself.

God quickly led me down the path of True Motives and opened the too-familiar door of Selfishness.

I don't go out of my way for people often. I think of it, and I want to, but I simply don't. Sometimes there's a financial reason, but usually it's straight up laziness. Occasionally I will actually act on something. I'll see a need I can meet, and I do it. I do my best to keep it under wraps-- partially because I'm not a huge fan of the awkwardness of attention, and partially because God says:

"So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." (Matt. 6:2-4)

And not for the "reward" part. I don't know what that would even look like (aside from joy), and I would feel overwhelmingly unworthy.

Anyway, so I do these things "in secret." But I still harbor this underlying longing to be noticed. It's so backwards. Part of the awesomeness of meeting a need secretly is the excitement of the secret itself. I don't know how things work for you, but it's a sad truth in my world.

I thought about all this with the "humility" question. And I came to this simple, but profound conclusion.

We seek our worth from people.

If God was really the closest person to me, if my self esteem was determined by what He thought of me, I would have nothing to brag about. I would be whole and complete in His eyes and arms.

But I am not in that place.

And since I'm not, I seek instead to be filled with what other people think and say about me and my actions. The only way to have that desire met is to let people know how "great" I am (in a sneaky way of course), so I can have pride in myself. If that pride is extracted or annulled, I'm left with humility, and that means I may never get noticed. And that, my friends, is scary.

Our pastor said this:

God + Nothing = Everything

God + ________ (<---- anything you can think of) = Fear

Lord, help me to quit trying for peoples' approval and to look solely to You. Blanket me in the natural humility that comes from a closer walk with You.