Sweetly Broken

It's been a while since I've stumbled onto here. Blogging was never a daily commitment, but it feels good to do. There's something about being at a website demanding my writing that pulls thoughts from coves in my brain.

So here I am again. I have lots to write and nothing to write all at the same time. What a whirlwind of intrigue.

I've been feeling deep in thought for a few days. Maybe that's what brought me here today. I don't know. What I do know is that God is currently pulling me in a few different directions. And, as is predictable, it's uncomfortable. He seems to like us there sometimes. In a place where we're confused and can do nothing more than hold His big hand. Oddly enough, sometimes I still want to let go and grope in the darkness-- as if I could find a "better" way out of the hole He knows so well and is willing to guide me though. Why do we do this? Pride I guess.

Anyway, I know I'm where He wants me, and so I will choose to rest in this disconnect. He's given me a better life filled with better people than I ever could have deserved or earned. He is nothing but good.

I went to a Women of Faith conference once. The only thing I really remember (besides being able to use the mens restrooms in Chicago's United Center) is a lady's story about her son's health. I of course don't remember any real details, but there was substantial testing involved, and she was up all night waiting for a phone call about results. After much pacing and understandable anxiety, the call came, and the news was good.

She told about how she had used that story at a previous conference to show how God's grace is good. A lady came up to her afterwords and said she had undergone the exact thing with her own child. Only in her case, the news was not what she wanted. Her child's life had even come to an end. And through tears, she said, "God's grace is good even when the answer is 'no.'"

That quote will never unstamp itself from my memory. He really is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. There are so many things I will never "get" about Him. But if I was able to understand all He does, wouldn't that make Him no better than I? He is big, He is steady, and His grace is enduring.